The Super Smashing Interviews
by SourGummyWorms
Summary: Join your host Jodi Belkins as she digs into the dirty laundry of the celebrities in the Super Smash Bros Manshion. Can you guess what their filthy little secrets are? R
1. Prologue

_It's like 1:00 a.m. and I just randomly came up with the idea for this story. Keep in mind this is just the prologue. Chapters after this will be much longer and more detailed. Thanks for reading and I hope you enjoy_

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"Hi! I'm your host today Jodi Belkins! Last weekend we visited some of those crazy Microsoft creations in the Halo world. Now this week we're venturing into something far more interesting in my opinion."

"That's right folks. We're going to the Super Smash Bros Mansion. Join me, your host as I venture in to the secret lives of a few of your favorite Super Smahs Bros characters. That's right folks you heard me right...Now I've got to be pretty sneaky about getting in. I've already tried to get in the front door but Toadsworth shoved me out and said I didn't have the pass.."

"Pssht...what does he know though right? He's not even a smasher, he just follows peach around everywhere like the little weird old man he is. So c'mon camera guy. Follow me. I saw an open window on the right side of the house. I think if you lift me up I can get inside. Then I can get you in through the back door."

"What do you mean you think I'm crazy? You'll do it or I'll fire you...Yeah that's what I thought..."

"Sorry, you weren't supposed to hear that...we're having technical difficulties."

Suddenly there is a loud thunking noise and the camera flips off. We arrive back a few seconds later. Jodi's hair is now ruffled and her make-up is smeared all over the right side of her face.

"Phew...okay. As you can see..." Jodi pants as she clambers alongside the manshion. "We are now on the...phew...hold on let me catch my breath." Jodi stops and puts her hands on her thighs trying to regain her breath before continuing.

"Ahh...like I was saying. We're now on the right side of the building. Joe my camera man has changed his mind and decided that he wants to help me into the window." There's a sharp grumbling noise off to the side.

"What was that? Yeah...nothing...Just remember I sign your paycheeks. Sorry, just practicing my mean boss act." Jodi continues to smile with her extremely sparkly teeth.

"Now I don't know where this window leads to but we're going to find out in just a few moments." Jodi hoists herself up to the windowsil and stands upon the camera man Joe's back. Her black stilhettos dig into his back most uncomfortably as he waits for her to climb through.

"Ah...much better. Now that we're inside we can clearly see that we're in the bathroom." Jodi motions around the room. It's a plain white bathroom...relatively clean. The only thing that really stick out is that someone is occupying the bathroom

"What are you doing in here!" Someone shrieks as they pull their newspaper over their thighs.

"Link! Just the man I wanted to see! I was hoping to get a quick interview with you. I'm Jodi Bellkins, here with my trusty cameraman. Do you mind if I ask you a few questions?"

"I am taking a crap right now...hell yes I mind if you ask me questions! Do you mind giving me some privacy?!?" Link shouted as he pulled his hat off his head and used it to cover his unmentionables.

"Why certainly I don't mind. I'll just turn around while I ask." Jodi turns around and stares at the shower curtains while a baffled Link continues to look petrified.

"Now can you tell me...what made you want to join the smash bros?" Jodi asked as perky as ever.

"Is she kidding?" Link asked the camera guy.

Joe just shook his head, to afraid to speak. He didn't want his pay cheeks to disappear.

"I'm out of here." Link said as he pulled up his pants and flushed the toilet. Link was about to get away but when he opened the door Toadsworth suddenly appeared with a white bra atop his head.

"I say old bean! What did I tell you about bringing prostitues into the manshion!?! I swear this is like the fifth time this week!" Toadsworth began to shout. Jodi then turned around to see what all the commotion was all about.

"You!" Toadsworth bellowed, his mushroom cap turning red with anger. "How did you get back in here!" he shouted once more. Jodi didn't even flinch but instead continued to smile in that creepy way of hers.

"And I thought you were just a pesky interviewer! I didn't know you were a prostitute as well! Out out of my house!" Toadsworth shouts at the non-flinching anchorwoman.

Link is standing still bewildered with his belt still hanging off, Joe is laughing at the thought of Jodi being a prostitue, Toadsworth is going to pop a blood vessal, and Jodi...is still smiling in that creepy way of hers.

"You heard me!" Toadsworth screams again. The loud noise begans to attract others in the house. Before you know it Mario, Luigi, and Peach show up.

"Mama-mia! What is all that-a noise?" Mario asks as he peeks his head into the bathroom.

"Jesus! Can't a guy just go to the bathroom in peace!" Link shouts as he fumbles with his belt buckle.

"Toadsworth! What are you doing with my bra on your head!" Peach shouts as she rips the white bra off of Toadsworth.

"Laundry...laundry..." Toadsworth snaps quickly. His voice calming down as he bashfully steps away from the others. "Sweet...sexy, smelling laundry." Toadsworth mumbles off as he seems to be lost in his own train of thoughts.

Mario looks as if he is going to beat Toadsworth to pieces and Peach runs to the toilet to vomit.

"I wasn't done with that yet!" Link says as he pulls his belt buckle on yet again.

"Hmm...looks like there is more dirty laundry in here than I thought." Jodi smirks at Joe as she gives a confident wink to the lens.

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_Okay...so I don't know if I want to continue with this or not...What do you guys think...Should I write more or just delete it and say better luck next time...You're choice. Gimmie some feedback please...it's much appreciated._

_AngelxWithxThexScabbedxWingsx_


	2. Mario's Got Issues

_Chapter One_

_Mario's Got Issues_

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After the smashers had calmed down and Link had finished going to the bathroom, a conference was being held in the living room. Toadsworth was still infuriated with Jodi, the intruder, Jodi was still smiling, Joe was drinking a beer, Peach was feeling violated, Mario wanted to murder Toadsworth, and the rest…well were all confused by the sudden events.

Jodi was quite pleased, here were all the smashers she could possibly want. Ranging from the lands of the Mushroom Kingdom, to Hyrule, to Dreamland, and heck even a few from pokeballs, and of course other lands as well. But you get the picture…it was a wide array.

"Joe…put the camera on me!" Jodi hissed as she smoothed out her skirt. Ganondorf raised his eyebrows quizzically. Who did this bitch think she was? He and Snake shared a laugh as they watched the nervous camera man slam down his beer and pick up the camera in a instant.

"Someone's whipped…" Snake hissed into Ganondorf's ear. They chuckled and nudged one another. Joe's face turned red but he still held up the camera, making sure to capture the perfect angle and lighting…because otherwise it would be his ass. Zelda, Daisy, and Peach stood with their arms folded across their chests pouting. Did this whore think she could come in and steal their men?

"Now, I've already explained who I am and why I'm here." Jodi said, her smiling drooping a bit…the botox was fading. "So…who wants to be interviewed first?" Jodi said peering around at the disgruntled smashers. They all looked as if they wanted nothing more but to chop off her neck and then mount her head on the wall.

Jodi frowned, or at least tried, as she looked around. No one was offering to go first, and Toadsworth still looked as if he was going to pop a blood vessel. "Fine…if one of you doesn't volunteer I'll pick." the smashers just continued to glare at Jodi menacingly.

"You! Come with me!" Jodi said grabbing Mario by his blue overalls.

"Mama mia!" Mario shrieked as he was pulled down the hallway. After Jodi had disappeared with his body, she heard the smashers from the other room laughing at Mario's expense.

At the end of the hallway there was a door, Jodi opened up the door and threw Mario inside. Joe following her all the while. She flicked on the an overhead light and shined it on Mario's face, Mario of course resided in a single wooden chair underneath the light. He felt as if he was going to vomit up his spaghetti. Jodi's face was hidden in the darkness of the room. She tapped her well manicured fingers as she waited for Joe to fix the lighting and get his camera fixed.

"Alright, listen up. The faster you talk, the faster you can get out of here. I'll be writing down your answers and Joe will be filming it. If we find out if anything you said is untrue…well we'll kill Peach and your pet Yoshi." Jodi said, her facial expressions hidden, but her voice was dead serious. Mario gulped.

Jodi pulled out her notebook.

Q: When did your drug addiction start?

A: Umm…what-a do you mean. I have no drug addiction!

Q: Spill it shroom boy. We know about your mushroom problem.

A: Ahh…fine. It all started when I was-a teenage boy. I was hanging out with a rough-a crowd, trying to fit in and be cool. I remember my cousin-a Wario introduced me to the first shrooms I ever tried. I was about-a sixteen in my sophmore year. I was a-what a you call…unique.

Q: You mean weird? A freak? Loser?

A: Yeah-a whatever. Well you see-a I thought I could get a girlfriend if I was a-cool like my cousin Wario. Wario was-a the man a-back a-then. He was the most-a popular kid in High School and he had all the hook-ups. I had been after Peach. Boy-a was she a party girl. Just thinking about it-a makes me hot…

Q: Think your dirty thought later talk your story now.

A: Well…ah you see she was dating Bowser. This other cool-a guy at the time. He was a-big party guy at the time also…makes me hot thinking about that also…

Q: Erm…okay…

A: Sorry, but-a anyway, like I was saying. I wanted Peach but she was with Bowser. Now every Saturday night I would watch them make-out at the top of Wiggler's Mountain. It was-a hot make-out place for young teens. Then I would-a listen to their conversations and Peach would always talk about how much she loved Bowser because he made her feel so high. So I thought to a-myself…hey my cousin Wario can help me make Peach high. So a week later I asked Wario for shrooms. He gave me the best kind…the purple and green ones. Highly-a toxic. Best quality…

Q: And you gave them to Peach?

A: Hell-a no! I ate them all myself.

Q: In one night!

A: Yes-a in one-a night! I went to the Wiggler's Mountain on Saturday night and they weren't-a there. So I went home and ate them all-a myself.

Q: Am I missing something here?

A: What-a do you mean?

Q: I mean….how did you end up getting Peach then if you never gave her the shrooms?

A: Oh I had a-crystal meth put into Bowser's locker at school. Then I-a put a anonymous letter in the principals office. Bowser was-a sent to military school. That's-a where he met up with Kammy Koopa.

Q: So wait a minute? You're the reason why Bowser is evil? Because you were jealous of his girlfriend.

A: Well duh. Peach was a freakin hot!

Q: That's sick…

A: You're-a telling me. Oh Peach would cry and cry in here room at night about losing the love-a of her-a life. And I of-a course would have my camera-a out and film-a the whole thing. Then about-a month later I dove in-a for the kill and I got Peach-a for myself.

Q: You are a sick and twisted little Italian man.

A: Thank you…

Q: Shakes head But wait…why does Peach hate Bowser so much now?

A: That's easy too. I also filmed Peach getting out of the shower and then put it on the internet. You-a see. Since I was so…unique. I had a lot of free time-a one my hands and I found out how to hack on-a the computer. I got into Bowser's-a myspace and added the video.

Q: Wow I didn't even know they had myspace in the mushroom kingdom. But this didn't really answer my question about your drug addiction.

A: Ugh, fine I'll tell you---

But just then Mario was cut off. Suddenly the door burst open and Fox McCloud appeared panting with his gun held out. "Jodi come quick we've got a problem!" Fox yelled at the shocked interviewer.

"Goddamnit!" Jodi cussed under her breath…the worst possible timing ever…"What is it!" she snapped at the odd fox/human type thing.

"Some creature from Microsoft is demanding your presence. From the looks of things he's tracked you for some time. Come quick before he kills someone!" Fox yelled as he dashed back down the hallway. Jodi stared back at Mario and glared at him. Mario wiped a few stray sweat beads from his forehead…saved by the stalker…now he wouldn't have to reveal his real reason for drug addiction.

Jodi huffed down the hallway with Joe following here…and there was none other but the Master Chief.

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Damnit..Mario got away...for now...anyway thanks for those of you who reviewed. Also if you have any questions you would like Jodi to ask the smashers feel free to ask. Sorry this chapter was a little short but I'm SUPER behind on all of my other stories. So I apologize. Thanks for reading!

Angel With The Scabbed Wings


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